Hey Ma! Condition Serious Hai!
A post for the contest, “Condition Serious Hai’
another delightful venture by IndiBlogger.in
Just the other day, a distant relative descended upon my haven of practical reality.
“I had to attend a wedding reception here. I have heard a lot about your city. Take me around” she said and even before I could mentally make plans about adjusting my daily routine to fit in a week filled with visits to the popular places, she had begun tormenting me about the heat that was troubling her immensely. It was not exactly summer then, but to cool down her rising temperature, I offered her the master bedroom with the air conditioner which she shamelessly accepted.
Next began her commentary about the kind of complicated life I was leading. No amount of diverting the topic helped so, I let her lead the way knowing fully well that she would be eating her words very soon (I imagined her eat a raw egg mixed with grated bitter gourd).
“Beta” she continued. Zindagi aamne-saamne baithkar logon se kee jaathi hai – na ki mukh kitaab se.”
“Mukh Kitaab? What’s that?” I asked her.
“Yeh bhi nahi jaanthi ho aur apne aap ko journalist kehti ho?”
I blinked thrice. Winced twice and clenched my first once!!
“Phes Book. Aur kya!”
Since I couldn’t throw anything at her I got up and moved to the kitchen only to be interrupted by the door bell. I rushed to the door to be greeted by the courier guy. Even as I was signing and receiving the package I was reprimanded for getting a packet from an unknown man – could it not be a hidden bomb?
Looking at my plight the courier guy mumbled, “ Inthe maarie aal vechite yedpi vaalringe?” (How are you living life with such kind of people). My lost-to-the-ravages-of-time relative looked questioningly at me. Could she see the little smile hanging precariously on my lips?
Not wanting to smile, I opened the package before her (that was what she actually wanted). It turned out to be a book to be reviewed with the picture of a pretty woman dressed in modern attire.
What was she expecting me to read – The Ordinance in Parliament?
“Issei achcha tho hamaara serial hai jo hame achchi biwi or ma bannei kee seekh deita hai” she preached.
No wonder you are like this, I mumbled mentally.
Inki condition tho really serious hai. I thought to myself.
P.S. My relative continued to stay with us tormenting me with her tirades, preaching her morals and values everywhere she went – on the beach, to the pujari in the temple, to the waiter in the restaurant……
Of course, the sentiment between us was mutual. We both considered one another to be nut cases, tough to crack and a lost cause of course!!!