Muse n' Motivation

The Thinking Blog!

How advisable is ONLINE DATING?

Online dating has caught on in India or so it seems. In fact, it is surprising that it came up that late. With the kind of conservative and hypocritical attitudes that we have in our society towards relationships other than marriage and towards sex, one had expected online dating to have caught the imagination of the emotionally starved people much earlier. Not that many of us are not comfortable with the system of arranged marriages and social set-ups like parties and get togethers that make it possible for people to meet and get into relationships. But, somehow, online dating seems an easier and convenient option where one can get into a relationship at the flick of a mouse. Convenience is fine but just how healthy and safe is online dating when you consider the fact that you might be entering into a life long commitment? What if the online date turns out to be a stalker? What if what you thought as love was just a temporary fling?

Substitute for a literal social circle

There are innumerable persons today who will vouch for the fact that online dating is a fun way of getting to know interesting people. You get more choices and you too have the choice of dumping someone who you don’t like without any qualms unlike in a real relationship which can get a wee bit complicated when it comes to winding up. Love is easy to find and experience on the net or so it seems. And for persons who have not been successful in getting mates or friends in real life in real social circles, online dating is a blessing in disguise. In fact, many people date several people simultaneously not knowing which could be the right one!

And here lies the catch. The more the choice, the more the chance of a lack of commitment. When you are busy trying to choose, select, count and even maintain the number of online dates, you are bound to concentrate less on a probable relationship. What matters to you is that you could be losing out on some great date if you didn’t search enough. And so, you don’t give enough attention to any one date. You become more obsessed with gathering dates and the search never stops until you get fed up and you realize that you are finally left with no quality relationship in hand. Older men and women are known to prowl for younger women and men irrespective of the fact that they are already married. It becomes a pastime for them, to flirt and even have cybersex. Husbands and wives are known to get into such relationships without any qualms. Infidelity, I suppose is okay as long as it stays in the mind. Not my kind but it exists. Again, there are the dangers of people lying through their teeth when dating online. It is easier to portray a different, more charming YOU than what you actually are. So, the time and energy invested in an online relationship could end in heartbreak and a person who no longer wants to trust. Wouldn’t an ordinary relationship have been better?

Again, the real world is not a safe place either. Heartbreaks abound in plenty here too. But at least, you seem to have a hold on something. Online it seems that you are only courting a breeze that made you feel special for a while and then suddenly ‘poof’ it was gone. For some, it is better than staying lonesome in the real world! I am not saying that all online dating is unwise. If that was the case then we wouldn’t be having so many popular online dating sites. According to a recent report (the BBC World Service Global poll), India has some of the greatest enthusiasts in the world for online dating. With recession affecting many, people are taking time out to get and develop contacts on the net.

Online dating is easy. For the unmarried and uncommitted, it is a chance to find someone with whom you can share or/and probably get into a relationship. For the bored and frustrated ones (married or not) it is an opportunity to experience the thrill of a new relationship without any tags attached. In spite of its advantages do you think that it is any time better than a real relationship in the literal world?

I would love to know what you feel friends.

Advertisements

13 Comments

  1. Mira Pawar

    Talking of relationships – whether online or offline, there is very little commitment factor noticed. The only difference is offline you can chase and demand for your rights and as you said online, who would you chase, just breeze?However, either which way, relationship is a big….big..question mark! Married people (irrespective of age and gender) are having affairs openly. When questioned, they declare their paramour to be a collegue or a friend’s sister or whatever but the clandestine rendezvous goes on at any cost.

  2. It also depends on the nature of the person looking for a mate. I’d any day prefer the real world. I trust it better. But then I’ve also found some of my best friends online …from the world and chat world. So it depends on using this medium optimally and selectively.

  3. Mira Pawar :
    Talking of relationships – whether online or offline, there is very little commitment factor noticed. The only difference is offline you can chase and demand for your rights and as you said online, who would you chase, just breeze?However, either which way, relationship is a big….big..question mark! Married people (irrespective of age and gender) are having affairs openly. When questioned, they declare their paramour to be a collegue or a friend’s sister or whatever but the clandestine rendezvous goes on at any cost.

    Hi Mira,

    I agree entirely. But the pace at which people are making use of the internet for the purpose of entertainment or whatever, is really scary to say the least. Tiny little affairs seem ordinary online or offline as you mentioned. But, online dating seems to only encourage it further, don’t you think?
    Of course, I have nothing against it. Just wary…

  4. Having never had a real or online relationship ever, I guess I cannot comment much about this. But based on what I have read and understood from other sources, and relating it to online friendship (the non-committal kind), I would say that nothing can substitute having a face-to-face conversation with your friends. Chatting with someone (even with Emoticons) can never equate to having a nice conversation. For me, the voice or the face is something that gives one the human connection to any conversation or friendship.

    I make it a point to meet all my online friends at least once when possible. I also tell friends that what I say or do online is slightly different from the real-life me. Even with a friend in Mexico, I have made it a habit (thanks to her) to send letters (scanned copies of hand-written letters for now) as they are much more human than the drab fonts 🙂

    But coming to your online-dating issue, I guess it is something that people must do for just time-passing around and it should not affect their real-life friendships, or even substitute them…

  5. Ashwathy :
    It also depends on the nature of the person looking for a mate. I’d any day prefer the real world. I trust it better. But then I’ve also found some of my best friends online …from the world and chat world. So it depends on using this medium optimally and selectively.

    Hi Ashwathy,
    Yes, definitely. The nature of the person searching for a mate also matters. If he/she is a genuine person then it works out fine. But, I suppose, like you, I would prefer the real world any time…
    And yes, I do acknowledge all my online friendships from the time I started blogging. I cannot deny that…

  6. Varun Reddy :
    Having never had a real or online relationship ever, I guess I cannot comment much about this. But based on what I have read and understood from other sources, and relating it to online friendship (the non-committal kind), I would say that nothing can substitute having a face-to-face conversation with your friends. Chatting with someone (even with Emoticons) can never equate to having a nice conversation. For me, the voice or the face is something that gives one the human connection to any conversation or friendship.
    I make it a point to meet all my online friends at least once when possible. I also tell friends that what I say or do online is slightly different from the real-life me. Even with a friend in Mexico, I have made it a habit (thanks to her) to send letters (scanned copies of hand-written letters for now) as they are much more human than the drab fonts
    But coming to your online-dating issue, I guess it is something that people must do for just time-passing around and it should not affect their real-life friendships, or even substitute them…

    Hi Varun,

    So very good to see you around. Experience or not, you seem to have your priorities and values straight and that is great. Yes, nothing can beat a personal face to face conversation. Seeing the person, listening to his/her voice. Online dating just cannot beat all that. Of course, there are people who have discovered very good friends or life mates so to say online (having been unsuccessful off line!) but then, it is a gamble. Life in the real society also is but at least you know to some extent what you are getting. That is not the same case in online relationships.
    And yes, one thing we all need to remember which we all are victims of – never permit online relationships to substitute REAL relationships!
    See you around Varun….

  7. Bina Biswas

    Good Post.

  8. Bina Biswas :
    Good Post.

    Hi Bina,

    Thanks for stopping by.

  9. Dear Shail,by nature I am a conventional guy.For lifelong committment and companionship I would go for the well established institution of Marriage.However,just for fun and tax-free entertainment,I wouldn’t mind trying on-line dating with the full knowledge and permission of my wife.I would willingly grant her the same permision to go for such escapist,time pass, harmless affairs!
    I believe that we men need to know a lot of about other women (and vice versa) for the sake of improving our married lives and togetherness by trying to cultivate good qualities from others to make our own married life better ! I am also for once-in-a while, playing make believe dating games with my wife, presuming that we are again young and single and ready to mingle and have just met and want to enter into a relationship ! What is food for the goose can be fodder for the gander as well ! I am getting some naughtier thoughts,so I better stop here.I know my limits !
    J S BROCA
    NEW DELHI

  10. Sonal Shree

    Online dating is scary and chances of fraud are greater than offline dating. For instance, a 55 year old man could pretend to be 23 online and chat with girls half his age,may be, and vice versa.
    However, I know of one relationship that started online and culminated in marriage after two years. Luck, I would call it.
    A little online dating for fun without seriousness is the case with most, I guess.

  11. Timely post on this sensitive topic.

    This is a burning issue among school students. I am not joking but telling seriously. I know school students studying from 5th standard engaging in regular chatting with unknown persons in internet. Some students even chat upto midnight. Once I advised a friend not to encourage it since it is risky. But I was politely told that they are aware of what they are doing. Several students do not accept their own parents as friend in face book as want to maintain their privacy. I have known several brilliant students faring very poorly due to problems with online friends. Any relationship whether as friends or dating is to be handled very carefully so as to avoid problems in real life.

  12. Shail, you have spoken of the unmarried, uncommitted and the bored. But there can be a third category also – interacting and exchanging notes with like minded people. A cyber relationship with someone who you have not even met or seen sounds weird otherwise. And what sort of commitment will there be in such relations I wonder when your intimacy is subject to a click of the mouse. Are we giving birth to a new social syndrome?

  13. It´s how I met my husband! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s